I hesitate to even record that today has been a good day. It feels like I am setting myself up for some hard fall. You see, it's not even 3 o'clock so there is still plenty of time for things to crumble.
By nine my kids were dressed and fed, and so was I. I was getting supper in the crock pot when our friends arrived for a play date. The kids played well for two hours, and then it was lunch for my family followed by a walk. Lydia, wearing her heart-shaped sunglasses, pushed her baby doll in a stroller while I pushed Bennet and carried James in an Ergo. We were so cute, I assure you. After our walk B had his afternoon nap, L had quiet time in her room, and J also laid down. I started a load of laundry and did dishes. L and I then made banana bread.
See what I mean - a beautiful, perfect day!
This is what I always pictured motherhood to be like for me. The house decorated and tidy. Good smells of home made things coming from the kitchen. Cute kids, playing sweetly, sleeping peacefully. Lots of hugs, kisses, and high fives. Me taking the time to crouch down and tell my child how proud I am of him for his kindness, to teach my daughter how to make a letter, to encourage my babe to reach, sit, roll.
Today I feel like a good mom and so in the midst of it all I stopped and said a little prayer. Thank you, God, for giving me this. Thank you for showing me that I can do this. Thank you for these blessings. Please let it continue. Please don't let this all be followed by a mess, a melt down, and some kind of fall that follows pride. I like how this feels and I need it just a while longer.
I know that God wants me to be the best version of myself. I know that He is also pleased that today has gone so well. And I also know that He's not going to magically fix my life so that it's one perfect moment followed by another. But I believe that He wants days like today to not be consolations, but the norm. Yet I'm not sure how to get there - to that norm.
I think, though, that it might have a little to do with staying home more. Home. At our house, just the four of us.
But those thoughts will finished another day.