Things have been really stressful lately. We're all sick, which means I'm super tired, and this has probably made things worse. And then on top of it comes the fact that I still can't get her to nap. Some days she'll have an awesome nap and it's almost effortless: I see that she's tired, I change her, nurse her and put her down for 90 minute nap. The next day it won't work at all. She'll just fight sleep and cry and cry and fuss.
All of this makes me feel like a crappy mother and as my frustration builds, I start cussing at my daughter ("What the hell do you want." or "Damnit, Lydia, stop crying.") And then the moment after I feel so ashamed and like an even worse mother.
Motherhood is so easy when she's sweet and smiling (or better yet - sleeping!) but I feel like I'm always failing when the it gets hard. I don't know if I set my standards too high when it comes to keeping house, etc. or if I just expect too much out of myself.
You know those women who don't really know if they want children but are sure that if they do have kids they'll be working moms? I always thought they were crazy but now I think that maybe they just know themselves a lot better than I ever have.