Two posts ago I talked about how I don't like where I am at in my life right now. But I need to expound on that and clarify some of my statements. When I pictured myself and where I wanted to be at age 27 it was always happily married to a good, Catholic man and being a stay at home mom. (I always pictured myself thinner though.) So in that sense I have what I wanted.
What I didn't foresee, was that I would still be struggling with feelings of inadequacy. Why can't I just accept that I am good enough and get on with my life? Travis is pleased, L is happy, my mom thinks I'm great and - to top it all off - I'm positive that God has found favor with me; I wouldn't be so blessed if He hadn't.
The main reason I wonder if I should have a career is because I compare my life with other women's lives and see that they are working. Never mind they're all fresh out of college and single. Add to that the fact that motherhood as been a tough adjustment. L and I are just now getting in some sort of a groove and fine tuning our relationship.
It may be hard, but it is a joy. And I don't want to work! I don't want to put my baby in day care! I want to be the one to play with her and love on her and care for her. I guess, though, I'm still getting over the freedom that I had and, again, adjusting to life as a mom and finding my footing when it comes to being a competent mom.
Those pictures are beyond precious. ♥
ReplyDeleteI think it's so important to find something for YOU, be it a weekly lunch outing with a friend (no baby in tow), or whatever floats your boat. As long as you get a break regularly, otherwise you can start to go a little nutty... as I have become lately. ;) I'm considering seeing a movie by myself this afternoon, even just those couple of hours can really change a persons mind set!
aw bonnie....
ReplyDeleteyou'll get used to it. it's tough, i know! around 6 months Aiden's and my life started "meshing" so to speak. We still have moments where I feel like I am going to do insane....but lets face it - don't we have those moments wether we have kids or not?
Your baby is precious, and you're doing a great job, Bonnie! Love her and love you!
ReplyDeleteI can't believe how big Lydia has gotten. She is adorable. :)
ReplyDeleteI think it's interesting how you're stating just how your feel about life right now. And here I have to go back to work tomorrow. I know I'm going to cry when I bring the kids to the sitter. And I really just have to get it in my head that I'm a working mom. I pray everyday that I could be a stay at home mom, but it just didn't work out. I'm thankful that I do have time off of my work schedule during the summer. When I thought about my future too, I saw myself the same way that you did, married and with beautiful children, just not the whole working part. I believe parenting is both hard and rewarding. Remember, you're doing a wonderful job. It's tough and it's definately not perfect or even the way we had pictured in our minds- but it's what we're called to do.
-Susie
Wow...Lydia is so big just like the flower behind her. Which, BTW, do you know what kind of flower it is? I've seen it once before and was intrigued by it's massive stature....ra
ReplyDeleteStaying at home is probably the hardest job but the most rewarding one too! Itwas so nice to stumble across your blog and see how you and your family are doing!
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