1 - Gosh I really love this song. And I'm totally impressed that Walk Off the Earth is capable of more than just playing one guitar and covering Gotye. Stupid me for thinking they were a one hit wonder.
2 - I found another treat that JF can eat. It also happens to be one of my favorite things:
Rice Krispie treats. Holy cow those things are amazing!
Anyways, we've long known that marshmallows are safe for JF, as are Rice Krispies. Then, at the suggestion of my online (and in-real-life) friends I made them with coconut oil. I'll even tell you a secret, the coconut oil above tasted coconut-y and it made the RKTs even better. Oh my gosh.
Anyways, YAY for one more treat that is nut, dairy, and egg free! And thanks to all the friends who suggested coconut oil!
3 - This:
is a lesson I learned from the executive director of the Behold Conference. Not that she ever sat down and told me, "Bonnie, this is what a mature, adult, sincere apology looks like: I'm sorry; it's my fault; what can I do to make it right?" but she did model it for me over and over again. When she apologized to me, when she helped me "script" conversations I'd need to have with others, when she apologized to others she always said some variation of those three things. Even when her fault was tiny compared to the fault of the other. Even when the other never apologized back.
Learning that lesson is one of the many ways that Behold helped me grow in virtue and become a better woman. Sometimes I really miss working on Behold. I can't wait for March 2014 so I can attend the conference and be a part of it again.
4 - As many of you know I lost my first child when I was about five weeks pregnant. If you've ever lost a baby I know you know how painful it was and is, even though after all these years I have some peace.
Because of my miscarriage I am so very grateful for my friend RyAnne's efforts to help grieving parents. RyAnne's first child, Caleb, was stillborn and in her grief she found a way to honor her son and bring peace to the minds, souls, and hearts of parents who were walking in the same shoes she was walking in.
If you have lost a child during pregnancy or infancy I encourage you to attend the A Mother's Love retreat on Saturday, July 27th at St. Philomena's in Peoria, IL. Meals are provided, it is open to couples and is free of charge. Please register with RyAnne by emailing amotherslove2@gmail.com. Also, please note that while it is done from a Catholic perspective it is open to parents of all faith backgrounds. You can also find more information at RyAnne's blog, Good Grief!
5 -So Travis and I bought a dump and have been fixing it up slowly. So we kinda pulled a Dwija but we actually knew what we were getting ourselves into. Mostly - we mostly knew.
I don't have a good picture of what the backyard used to look like but you can kinda get a sense from these two pictures.
Grass doesn't grow, but weeds do!
Our house was first a house and then each level was an apartment that seemingly half of my town lived in at one point or another. Eventually we got rid of the upstairs apartment's entryway and toilet.
And then we dreamed of the day we could put in a patio and flower beds. It took years but it finally happened.
Travis worked his butt off getting everything level, building the forms, and whatnot.
His brother, dad, and uncle came down to help and after a few hours of hard work it was done.
The next day Travis cleaned up the flower beds, laid down some mulch, and we are finally to a place where we can enjoy our backyard.
The kids and I even had some pool time the other day.
See that tree? That tree shades the whole patio all day long. It's perfect.
And the stairs that lead to the back porch used to end at the back of the house. Now the porch ends there, making things so much safer and nicer and better.
And we still have a bit of work to do, some more mulch to lay, patio furniture to arrange, and bushes and hostas and flowers to buy and plant. But in the meantime it's still so great.
And look - no more toilets!
Good job, Trav. Well done, babe.
6 - We had a good couple of hours outside the other day. Until suddenly I was just done (that happens a lot when I'm pregnant) and I made the kids go inside for naps and quiet time. But I was still "World's Best Mom" that day because I actually even put my suit on too. It's the little things.
Overcoming adversity: Cleaning up the playroom with their baby sister
Patience in suffering: Not being able to thrust and flail their entire bodies while their ears are cleaned
Fending for themselves: Finding edible food on the floor when they're hungry
Consequences: The shit that hits the fan when they wake a napping sibling
Problem solving techniques: What happens when I'm too tired to get off the couch to solve their argument for them.
Prioritizing: Making them choose between cookies or ice cream
Responsibility: Not allowing television viewing until they've dressed and brushed their hair and teeth.
Life skills: Watering the potted plants, vacuuming the carpet, carrying their dishes to the sink, putting their dirty clothes in the hamper, flushing the toilet and washing their hands after using the bathroom, putting their folded laundry in their drawers. In short, doing the things I've been doing for them for way to long. Seriously, 2 year old boy, pull your weight.
Hopefully everyone who reads this blog is already reading Dwija's blog, House Unseen - Life Unscripted. And hopefully you already know about her high risk pregnancy and so you are praying like saint for her unborn baby, her, and her whole family.
You may also be aware that her fixer upper house has a crappy laundry room with broken machines and other unpleasantries... like mice. Not a nice situation when you have a bunch of kids and should really be on bed rest.
Anyways... all that to get to this:
Cari at Clan Donaldson is hosting a fundraiser to at least get a plumber to the house or at best to hire a contractor to remodel the laundry like a one-room version of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. But without Ty Pennington, whose absence could be seen as a good or a bad thing, depending on who you are and what you think of guys with soul patches and megaphones.
Let me tell you something:
When JF was in the NICU people prayed and gave from all over the country and world. We got checks for hundreds of dollars from people we barely even know. We also got cards with $2 or $5 or $10. ALL of it was appreciated and all of it was needed. And we were even more humbled by the people who gave us a couple of ones because it was all they had. So if $1 is all you have to give, please give it.
I know most of us aren't privileged enough to know Dwija personally but here is a chance for the Body of Christ to respond, serve, love, tend, and witness. I really encourage you to click on the link to Cari's blog and find the "Donate Now" button at the bottom of the post. If you can, please give.
1 - Is it just me or have the past couple of weeks featured a lot of posts with rap music? Well, there is no rap music here, at least not this week. Instead I offer you Vampire Weekend. They're kinda odd, but I like them. Hope you do too.
2 -Dressing when I'm super pregnant. It's not fun. It's so hard to keep the "under-womb" covered. I don't think that's an actual word but you know what I mean, right? The bottom of my pregnant belly. Shirts creep up and pants creep down.
Also, as my hips widen in preparation for birth (look out, July 8th! or 9th... around there) it has become incredibly difficult basically impossible to keep my knees together and sit like a lady. So last Friday I bought a maxi skirt and I have worn it every day since. I will continue to wear it every day until I give birth, and probably then for weeks following. It'll get washed like twice in all that time, I betcha $5.
Here's the skirt:
I thought I looked better but I guess we can't all be Grace Patton.
Quick note about the shirt I'm wearing. It's the only maternity top to have survived all five pregnancies and then today, at almost 37 weeks I snagged it on a table at a coffee shop. Ruined. But judging from the picture above that's not really a bad thing.
Am I the only pregnant woman who does this to all her shirts? Seriously, it may be more annoying than the waddle and stupid comments.
3 - Earlier this month was the anniversary of L's baptism. Her godmother arranged a special day for just the two of them including donuts, a walk to the park, crafting, and lunch. L loved every minute of it. You can read Katie's recap of it here and you can read about the awesome pearls L gets each year here. And here's few pictures of the fun:
L and her godmother, Katie.
The bag they made. Katie wrote the phrase and L traced it. And the owl is made from L's handprint.
A treasure box L made from Modge Podge and tissue paper. She also wanted to glue a holy card of the Sacred Heart inside. Sweet.
4 - How do people decorate for summer? I have one little Uncle Sam guy I put on the buffet and some patriotic banners on the front porch but otherwise I'm clueless. My mother-in-law was just in Florida and sent the kids a bunch of seashells she found on the beach. I put them in some mason jars and set them out because seashells are beachy and therefore summery, right? But I just don't think I have an eye for this decorating stuff. Seriously, what do you do?
5 - We hung balloons for Resa's first birthday party, which was almost a month ago. Some of them are still up and I think that if they can make it just a couple more weeks they can officially be "Welcome home, baby!" balloons. Perfect!
Truly, I am not getting on a chair to take them down. Even though I got on a chair to take a picture of my skirt. Whatever. Shut up.
6- I'm part of an awesome moms' group at my parish. It is a huge blessing in my life and I look forward to Tuesday mornings and guard them with my life. We pray and eat and discuss together while our kids play. The women in the group have also become great friends and have been very generous in supporting me in my vocation. For example, I have a very large project I've been working on, along with parenting and growing a baby. Travis has also been very busy picking up my slack and working on various projects around the house. To help out, just this past week one of the women in the group took the boys for an afternoon to make for a lighter load at home. Another woman arranged for her teenaged daughter to babysit for free so Travis and I could attend Theology on Tap Wednesday night. And another woman spend the better part of an afternoon and evening playing with the kids, reading them books, painting with them and sweeping my floors, folding my kids' clean clothes, and washing my dishes.
7 - What's Travis working on? Oh, you know, just transforming this:
To this:
Yesterday Travis and his dad poured the sidewalk that leads from the back door to the garage. Tomorrow he, his dad, and his brother will pour the patio. In what was once a horrible, bumpy patch of ground that was too shady to grow enough grass we will soon have a large patio with two flower beds on the side, a lovely maple tree to keep it shaded all day long, and plenty of room for the kids to draw with chalk, ride their bikes, and play outside while I watch them from the kitchen window.
The only thing that will make it better will be when I have given birth and can drink a beer, as I sit in the shade, while my kids play, and Travis grills supper. That, friends, will be a dream come true.
And now I'll say good-bye. Have a great weekend, all! And thanks, Jen, for hosting!
(But I don't really think Emma Stone is eating too many red velvet cupcakes.)
Fairy Doors. Travis says I cannot do this to the tree in our backyard. Meanie.
I feel an obligation to make sure my daughter believes in fairies. I don't want her to believe in ghosts, monsters, and dragons because - quite frankly - satan is scary enough. But fairies, elves, mermaids and the rest - believing in them added such charm to my childhood.
Recently I said something to L about looking for fairies outside and she told me they only exist in the World of Imagination. Honestly, it felt like a parenting fail.
Cari's post on fatherhood as portrayed in the great zombie short Cargo.
Pretty much everything that is done atMary Is My Homegirl. I love that tumblr.
1 - This song is a favorite around the Engstrom house. It's not totally Catholic theology, but there's a few bits I really like. Like the line, "Go and tell that long tongued liar, tell him that God's gonna cut him down." It's a more poetic way of saying one of my expressions: Go to Hell, satan.
2 - Some of you may have noticed that Ignitum Today was been down for a couple of weeks. Thanks to the efforts of Tito Edwards, the Wizard behind the curtain if you will, IT is finally up and running. There's still a few tweaks to work out but the site is up and running again. Here's an old post of mine featuring some of our favorite songs from the fall of 2011.
3 - In the span of two days I had WOMEN say stupid, stupid things to me. First, at a family reunion for Travis' family where he doesn't even know 4/5 of the people, there were a group of 50 and 60 year olds chatting.
"When are you due?" they pleasantly asked.
"July 15th."
"Oh! We thought we'd have to deliver that baby today!" hahahaha, chortle, chortle, wink and slap your knee.
Not funny.
Then, I was at the midwife's office, walking from the bathroom to a chair in the waiting room. A lady, who I would like to point out was ignoring her children and talking on the phone, (that was probably mean) called out to me, "You pregnant with twins?"
"No." I looked pissed.
She looked sorry and said, "Oh, well I," followed by loud nervous laughter.
I dug around in my bag, ignoring her. And then my blood pressure was 138 over 60 when it should have been closer to 105 over 60.
JF would never say or sign something so dumb.
4 - My friends the Herrs like to enter video contests. They have four kids and would really like to win a new roof and deck. You can help them win the CertainTeed Exterior Home Makeover contest by voting daily through June 18th. Their video is short and very sweet, starring their three daughters, plus a fun jingle on the banjo. Please watch their video and vote for them! Thank you (and the Herrs thank you too!)
5 - Has anyone made these Lemon Bar Muddy Buddies? They sound great but I'm not gonna waste time and energy on another Pinterest let down.
6 - Travis and I went on a little date today. Our friend Katie gave us a date night for our Christmas present so today we cashed in our free babysitting coupon and used our gift card to watch the new Superman movie, Man of Steel. Let me tell you something, the burger I had at the Black Rabbit in downtown Peoria was *awesome*!
7 - And just a reminder to everyone to say a prayer for all those in Colorado who are threatened by or have already lost their homes because of the Black Forrest Fire. Jenny and Lisa and all my other CO friends - you are in my prayers!
Thank you, Jen, for hosting! Best wishes on your deadline!
With many posts lined up to write but no time to write them I thought I'd dig deep in the archives (but not too deep because a lot of that stuff is crap) and re-post an oldie from October 2009 that I'm not embarrassed about.
Last time I met with my spiritual director we talked about my relationship with the Person of Christ and I was told to continue to ponder it until we meet again. And here's why: I don't really have one. I used to, but not any more.
I'm sure this sounds horrible to hear from a self-proclaimed "devout Catholic", or maybe it proves everything you've ever thought about us Catholics. ;) Before I got married, though, I had a great relationship with Christ. I fully understood him as my Bridegroom and I was in love. Prayer was easy and Adoration was a joy - seeing Him face to Face. I read Song of Songs with Him in mind and every Mass was a reminder of the Wedding Feast of the Lamb. But then, well, I suppose He got replaced. (Doesn't that sound horrible?) Slowly we drifted away since I now had a Bridegroom in the flesh and I wasn't quite sure how to have that kind of relationship with two men. I'm still not sure.
Today in my life I revere Christ as Savior and King. I worship our Eucharistic Lord. I still see Him as a great comfort and I pray to be hidden within His wounds, the Fount of His Mercy. And I love Him in these ways, some of which are quite personal, yet as Friend, Lover, every day Companion there is something lacking.
But here's the thing, I actually feel like I have a great relationship with God the Father, and I'm quite drawn to God the Spirit. So the way I see it, I'm still doing okay with God. I think it's because at this point in my life I identify with Father more as motherhood has shown me how frustrating it must be to be God. Motherhood has made me understand Childhood. And I call on the Holy Spirit much more now than I ever have in the past.
So is this just a phase? Will I "return" to Christ as my Main Man?
And what about you? Have you noticed a similar change in your spiritual life? And do you have any tips or ideas for me? As a bit of a follow-up I wanted to say that in the years since I wrote this post I have found deep comfort in the arms of Christ, hidden in His wounds, joining in His suffering, worshiping Him as my God, honoring Him as my Savior. Much like my marriage, the loss of the initial giddiness left me wondering what was wrong but soon enough I discovered that my relationship had more trust, more fidelity, and more love than it ever had before. I just couldn't recognize it because I'd never experienced such a mature love before. And interestingly, this icon is called "Christ the Bridegroom."
1 - Well hello, 1990's. So nice to hear you again.
In high school I never knew what in the world this song was about but - thank you, Wikipedia! - now I know it is not about drugs. I guess I'm pretty sheltered or innocent or both but I was fairly certain someone was snorting a brimful of asher off a 45 record. And I thought "that's a good way to ruin a record" but no vinyl was actually hurt in the making of this song. whew.
And in case you don't want to click on the link, Asha (not Asher) is the first name of a Bollywood singer/back up dancer who would record vocals for lead actresses who could act but not sing.
2 - And that makes me think of this:
Gosh I just love this movie. Gene Kelly - wasn't he dreamy? And look at Debbie Reynolds - she had no idea she'd grow up to be Princess Leia's mom.
3 - For the Solemnity of the Sacred Heart we attended Mass at Sacred Heart Church in downtown Peoria. A few years ago they renovated the building and it is gorgeous.
The frescoes above and around the altar show all the major events in the life of Christ. Above the side altars, and adding to the story, are frescoes of the Annunciation and Pentecost on the far left and right, respectively.
Close up of the Sacred Heart statue above the tabernacle.
Image of the Sacred Heart in the middle of the marble floor.
We also had a Sacred Heart pizza for supper.
I confess, while we did appropriate activities to celebrate the solemnity I never actually sat down and explained to my kids what the Sacred Heart is and why it's so important.
So if this looked like a parenting WIN, rest assured, it was like a 50%.
Lord, have mercy.
4 - Now I'd like to offer a translation of the above for my non-Catholic readers:
For the Solemnity (think: High Holy Day, super big feast day where we live it up because it's so important) of the Sacred Heart (Jesus' Heart. It is burning for love of us. His heart is bursting out of His chest He's so full of love for us. His love is sacrificial - often there is a cross at the top of it - and it brought about the Church - the water that gushes from where it was pierced.) we attended Mass at Sacred Heart Church in downtown Peoria. A few years ago they renovated the building and it is gorgeous. (Gorgeous and lavishly decorated to help us focus on God. Getting bored during the homily and your eyes start to wander? Boom: there's a picture of Jesus - look at it and meditate. Not paying attention and praying the Mass? Boom: there's a picture of the saints looking at you, saying, "Dude, this is important. Focus. Pray. I'll pray with you." Thinking about the errands you need to run instead of worshipping God? Boom: everywhere is something beautiful to remind you that God is Beauty, something lovely to remind you that God is Love, something majestic to remind you that God is King of Heaven and Earth.)
The frescoes above and around the altar (there's actually two altars - the table-like one in the front where Mass is celebrated and the Main or High Altar which is the tall beautiful one against the back wall. It houses the tabernacle - which is where consecrated hosts, aka the Eucharist, aka Jesus [John 6:25-68] are located.) show all the major events in the life of Christ. Above the side altars (not shown), and adding to the story, are frescoes of the Annunciation (When the angel told Mary she would bare the Son of God) and Pentecost (When the Holy Spirit came down on Mary, the Apostles, and others as they were gathered in the upper room, after Jesus had ascended back to Heaven.) on the far left and right, respectively.
Close up of the Sacred Heart statue above the tabernacle.
Image of the Sacred Heart in the middle of the marble floor.
We also had a Sacred Heart pizza for supper. (Catholics are weird, kitschy people sometimes. Maybe this seems tactless. I like to think that it's Jesus and Mary approved. Also, because it is ordinary time [not the Season of Christmas or Easter, Advent or Lent] in the liturgical calendar we try to follow the suggestion of the Church and have meatless meals on Fridays. [It's a obligation during Lent and a suggestion during the rest of non-celebratory seasons.] So it was a big deal to have pepperoni and sausage on our Friday night pizza, but that's what feasting on a solemnity looks like, yo.)
I confess, while we did appropriate activities to celebrate the solemnity I never actually sat down and explained to my kids what the Sacred Heart is and why it's so important.
So if this looked like a parenting WIN, rest assured, it was like a 50%. (This is not Catholic guilt, it's just me realizing that I need to spend as much time planning and executing teaching moments as I do actually teaching in those moments.)
Lord, have mercy. (I'll get it right next time, God. Please be patient with me.)
5 - So that was really long. This will be short:
Children of mine, please understand the following:
6 - Let's go back to Sacred Heart Church, shall we. I took a bunch of pictures of how beautiful it is, but one of the things I think is most awesome is that the side walls have huge frescoes of modern saints.
You want St. Damien, the man who moved to a leper colony in Hawaii so he could serve the people there and eventually succumbed to the disease himself?
Well, there he is.
What about Miguel Pro, a Mexican priest who disguised himself as a mechanic while the Catholic Church was persecuted? Yeah, the guy who shouted out "Viva Cristo Rey!" as the firing squad killed him for his faith?
Seriously, except for the fact that about 1/3 of the regular daily Mass attendees at this church do not appreciate babies and little children at Mass, I love this church.
7 - So without being called out by name I was pretty much called out for recommending the movie Silver Lining Playbook. "But if you like movies with nudity and language and disturbing implied violence and described aberrant sexual behavior and onscreen sexual activity and the breakdown not only of one man's marriage but of his deeply held belief in the sanctity of marriage itself, then you probably shouldn't keep reading, because there are going to be spoilers."
So if you can't tell, Kendra did not like it and thought it was smut.
In defense of myself I will say that I only recommended the movie to people who like the show New Girl. That show has way too much sex and sexual humor (two things I dislike) and the humor is quirky (one thing I love about it) so obviously it's not gonna be everyone's cup of tea. Which is probably everyone who watched Silver Lining Playbook and hated it.
I really do need to apologize though for one thing I did say - which was that there are no sex scenes in the movie. As Kendra and her commenters point out there is a sex scene that shows an adulterous couple being confronted by the character who is being cheated on. Honestly the scene didn't bother me because it wasn't titillating, what they were doing was obviously wrong (adultery), and it ended in a violent confrontation between the two men. That's the impression it left on me - as a confrontation - and when I said there were no sex scenes I honestly didn't even remember the adultery. There was not a sex scene in that the main characters didn't jump into bed together - which is what I was applauding. But I'm really sorry that I got that so wrong and I apologize to those who watched the movie and then were scandalized in part because of what I said.
As for the rest of what Kendra mentions in the above quote - well most of that was what I was talking about when I said, "I like that it shows how people do stupid, dangerous things when we're in a bad place." I definitely understand her perspective and I'm glad she gave it, but I still feel the same way. But if you watched the movie because I said it was good and then you hated it, I'm sorry you wasted your time and possibly your money. And I sincerely hope I didn't scandalize anyone.
Thanks to Grace for hosting and for keeping things open long enough for me to type up a short, lame little post two days too late.
These pictures are a from Mother's Day and not from this past Sunday.
We took multiple pictures of all four of the kids and me and they were all ridiculous.
But the kids look pretty cute in these pics and I look mmmmkay.
Recently we've discovered that going to the Vigil Mass on Saturday works really well for the kids. After quiet time we give them a good snack, change their clothes, and head to the 5pm Mass. Then we sit in the very front row and usually all four kids give us B+ behavior or better.
This past Sunday the older three kids were with my parents and Travis went to a 6am Mass so it was just Resa and me at 9am Mass.
Resa's behavior was A+.
And let me tell you why. Because I sat in the foyer. I pulled a misselette from the cry room and sat in the no man's land between the entryway and the sanctuary. I knew that if I sat in a pew I'd struggle the whole Mass to keep Resa in my arms or right near me and I am too tired and too big and too over it all to do that. So I let her wander about and babble and I didn't stress at all. I sat through most of the Mass and I didn't care at all. I said all the responses, all by myself, and I didn't care at all. It was great.
Not that I'm advocating for sitting in the foyer every Sunday, but this past Sunday it was exactly what I needed. So glad I did it.
