I needed a pep talk

... and I got one.



Have you seen this video?  If you haven't, watch it before you finish reading. 

I watched and laughed and cried and felt like Kid President was talking to me.  Just to me.  (Even though he is clearly talking to Gabbi, who likes pancakes and is fighting cancer - like a boss!)

In my post How November Shook Me up for January I shared how discouraged I feel and how worried I am that despite my best efforts I'm not doing much to make the world a better place.  In fact, I've shared that sentiment a lot lately.

And then this video came out.
Kid President's cuteness, humor, use of Journey lyrics, and fantastic dancing made me realize a few things.

"We were made to be awesome."

If anything, what I've been through with JF should validate that there is beauty and goodness even in the darkest of times.  We were made to be awesome and it really is within our reach. 

 "We can cry about it or we can dance about it."
Life is good. I have periods of time where I feel discouraged/disappointed/downtrodden but for the most part I am happy. In fact, I would say that I live a joyful life.  I should be dancing.

"Create something that will make the world awesome."
My Space Jam really is my kids, my family, my home.  With Travis and God I have already made something that does make the world awesome.  I just need to foster those kiddos, tickle them, read to them, dance with them, tell them I love them... tell them that they make the world awesome.

I think it's okay to have bad days and to upset about things.  I don't regret that I felt or wrote those things.  In fact writing about them and being supported by you all helped me dust myself off, get myself to confession, and appreciate the fact that I am living my dream - of being happily married to an awesome man and being a stay at home mom.  It's not a stupid dream; I don't have to change it.  I just needed to get back to a place where I could appreciate it.

So - you- yeah you!  What's your Space Jam?

Voting is now Closed for the Sheenazing Blogger Awards

Voting is now closed for the 2013 Sheenazing Blogger Awards. 


Blog lovers of the world:

It's time for a little bit of friendly fun.  Follow this link to the first ever, totally official

Sheenazing Blogger Awards.

Voting will be open until Thursday at 6pm central.
You must vote for one blog/blogger in every category.
Please, for the love of God and out of respect for my family's time, vote only once.

Wanna check out the nominees? 

The winners will earn a firm, virtual handshake, the pride in knowing that they've been named the Best of something by a fairly obscure blog, and the right to display the following on their site:

If Person of Interest is a re-run the winners will be notified before 10ish pm Thursday night, in case they want to announce the win in their 7 Quick Takes.  If Person of Interest is new I have no idea when the winners will be notified - it's going to be a busy weekend, one that starts with my favorite non-Masterpiece Theatre tv show.

The Sheenazing Blogger Awards are named for Venerable Fulton J. Sheen. Sheen was amazing at using the newest forms of media to communicate the beauty of the Catholic Church and his love of Christ to the world. I'm positive that Sheen would be a blogger were he alive today and that he is in Heaven, totally approving of this award.

Here's a little update:  A few concerned readers have contacted me questioning some of the nominated blogs, pointing out the authors' discrepencies with orthodox Church teaching and faithfulness to our Holy Father and the Magesterium.  Please know that I did a brief review of all nominated blogs because I did not want to promote anything which my husband and I do not actually support.  I did not have time to delve into archives of 100 blogs, I did my best, and I apologize if I missed something.  Next year - if I'm crazy enough to do this again! - I will add the category "Best Blog by a Heretic" and try to better stress that all other categories are for Catholic blogs that are orthodox.  End update.

And a HUGE thank you to everyone who has participated so far.  I only did this because I thought it would be fun and I've been blown away by how many people wanted to join in.  I'm glad that we can celebrate and honor the excellence that is out there in the internet, cheering on our friends and role models. 

What I Wore Sunday

What-what Fine Line & Purple - hostesses with the most-est-es.

This is what I wore to Sunday Mass.

New shirt from the sales wrack at Target.  I look top heavy but since I love the shirt I'm going to blame Travis for how he took the picture.

Skirt: I think I got it at JC Penny's for L's Baptism.

Boots: same old boots from Payless.

Ahhhh... Sunday Mass.  We were 5 minutes late pulling into the parking lot but somehow (thanks be to our glorious God in Heaven) they were still singing the entrance hymn when we walked in.

While the bells rang during the consecration JF made the sign for train.

While Father was elevating the host L loudly told me she had a triangle eye, while holding her fingers in the shape of a triangle up to her eye. 

While nursing Resa she pulled my scarf/cover off me, once on each side.

 This is what I wore for the rest of Sunday.

Hair in an "I don't care what I look like" ponytail and plaid flannel pajama pants.

This is what I did for most of Sunday.

Entered all the nominations into the Sheenazing Blogger Award voting form. 

I also went to every single blog to get contact information for the nominees.  If I couldn't find an email address or a fan page the people aren't going to get an email.  Also, I had to "disqualify" a few nominees because doing a simple Google search for their blog (usually based on the name given to me and the word 'blog') did not lead me to an obvious nominee.  Sorry.  I had to disqualify a couple more because they're private.  Maybe that makes me a jerk but Travis and I think it's totally fair.

 When I told Travis I was going to host these blogger awards I told him I thought it would be fun.  He said it sounded like a lot of work.  We were both right.

I'm pretty sure my favorite find so far has been Mary Is My Homegirl.  Hilarious!

I have to contact a few more nominees via Facebook, which I'll do tomorrow.  Voting begins on Tuesday, yo.

7 quick takes

Fair warning: The first three are political.  If you don't want to read about such things skip to #4.

1 - "We goin' march."  Lauryn Hill, this song, this beautiful pro-life song, is what I think of every year when I wish I was marching on D.C. to support life from conception to natural death.  When I wish I was marching on D.C. to support an end to abortion.

2 -

Life doesn't begin at birth, or when the heart starts beating, or at implantation.  It begins at conception.

3 - Lastly, even if you do support abortion, I hope you are at least outraged at the forced abortions that happen in China.  Sadly, I'm not very educated about the matter and I feel like there's little I can do to help women in a communist country.  But an article by Sen. Santorum was eye opening for me.  Here's an excerpt:
Forced abortion and sterilization are gross violations of a woman’s physical integrity. They’re a form of torture that should outrage anyone who cares about justice for women — but they’re greeted with deafening silence because of the battles over elective abortions in the West. The politics of abortion in the West makes normally outspoken women’s advocates reticent. The U.N. women’s agency prominently displays its work in China against domestic violence, but says nothing of the threat that forced abortion and sterilization pose to the health and well-being of a far larger number of Chinese women. 
Read the rest here.

4 - Let's move on to something more uplifting, shall we?  One of my husband's former students recently wrote on his Facebook wall, "My physics professor isn't nearly as awesome as you were :( I'll probably come in and bug you for help soon."
This makes me so proud.  The student is now studying at a prestigious university but Trav is a better teacher.  

5 - Also, I have this super ugly filing cabinet sitting in my living room.  Grey and beat up and u-g-l-y, we ain't got no alibi - it's ugly.  And so when I saw what Deme did with her filing cabinet I was inspired.  I gotta do something similar.  Seriously.  


6 - Thanks to everyone who voted for The Sheenazing Blogger Awards!  There was a HUGE amount of nominations - so many in fact that I had to close the form before it gets totally out of control.  I need to have enough time to still parent my children and be present to my husband.  There may be a more efficient way to do what I'm doing but I don't know what it is... so this is happening instead.  Good thing I'm not totally legit, just some little housewife with a computer and internet access. 

I'll work on the Voting Form and inform all nominated bloggers over the weekend.  Official voting will begin on Tuesday.  Thanks again!

7 - Lastly, I'm wondering if anyone else frequently has to use dictionary.com to check their spelling before posting on Facebook, Twitter, or comboxes?  That site is like my internet bff.

The Sheenazing Blogger Awards

WE ARE NO LONGER TAKING NOMINATIONS FOR THE SHEENAZING BLOGGER AWARDS. 

THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO NOMINATED!

Well folks, here it is, the nomination form for the first ever* Sheenazing** Blogger Awards!

The Sheenazing Blogger Awards are named for Venerable Fulton J. Sheen.  Sheen was amazing at using the newest forms of media to communicate the beauty of the Catholic Church and his love of Christ to the world.  I'm positive that Sheen would be a blogger were he alive today and that he is in Heaven, totally approving of this award.

So go nominate the Coolest Blogger, the Smartest Blog, the Funniest Blog, the Best Mommy Blog, the Best Underappreciated Blog, the Best Blog by a Man, and the Blog with the Best Memes.***

I'll gather nominations through Sunday.  On Monday I will share with the bloggers that they have been nominated and official voting will then begin on the next day.

The winners will earn a firm, virtual handshake, the pride in knowing that they've been named the Best of something by a fairly obscure blog, and the right to display the following on their site:

So go and nominate and make your favorite bloggers' dreams come true!

*possibly the only

**Originally I was going to name it the "Sheentastic Blogger Awards".  Fortunately I googled the word Sheentastic and learned from Urban Dictionary that it means you're having a good night, like one Charlie Sheen would have, complete with cocaine, hookers, and pot.  Not really what I was going for.

*** Hat tip to Kelly at This Ain't the Lyceum for that one.

What are the best blogs out there?

So I got to thinking...

I don't think The Crescat does her Cannonball Blogger Awards anymore.  I checked her site at Patheos and I think I'm correct on that one.

In the void, I thought it would be fun to have a Catholic Blogger Award again.  Nominiations will begin Wednesday, which will give you some time to think about your favorite blogs and will give me a little more time to work on the Google doc nomination form.

So come back Wednesday!  It'll be fun.

How November Shook Me Up for January

The summer after high school graduation I was in a beauty pageant.  (I should probably be much more embarrassed about that than I am.)  During the private interview portion of the competition the judges asked me about my desire to be a wife and mom.  One of the judges, the father of two young adults, said to me, "But there's so much that's wrong with the world.  I would never want to bring another child into this world, to make them suffer through all the horrible things that happen.  Don't you feel like you'd only be giving your children pain and sorrow?"

I was taken aback by his question but I earnestly answered him that I wanted to raise the types of kids who would only make the world a better place, that the world- if only their small corner of it- would be better because they were there.

I believed that for a long time but now I'm wavering.  More and more I think of that judge and his words and I worry in my heart and my gut that he was right.

Since November 4th I've been terribly disheartened.  I'm just gonna say it: I am dumbfounded and ashamed at the number of Christians who voted for a man who thinks this is okay.  I read a post by Fr. John Hollowell and he said, "a child grasping for breath on the abortionist’s table is granted dignity solely based on the wishes of the mother. The abortionist, and our President, like the emperors in the Colosseum of Rome, wait for the thumb up or down of the mother to decide whether the child lives or dies."

What he said is spot on - our President, when he was a Senator for my home state, voted three times to withhold medical attention to a baby who has survived an abortion.  And Christians voted for him to lead our country?  Why?!  Because his stance on taxes or student loans or education or immigration or free contraception is in line with what they want / believe?  How does 3,500 abortions a day in the US not outweigh a tax break?  I don't understand.  And my heart is heavy and I'm disgusted.

And so I worry that I'm just giving my kids a world of pain and sorrow and I'm not doing anything to make it better.  I'm not doing enough for those babies and I'm not doing enough for their parents, the parents who chose Choice, the parents I am not filled with anger or hatred for, just compassion, sadness, and regret because we didn't give them a better choice.

I know that I am not supposed to stay here, in this emotional place; I believe God wants me to feel this sadness because He wants me to do something with it.  I know I am not do despair but to work even harder so that me and my kids do make the world a better place.  But I'm left with the struggle of finding out how to do it, especially on the eve of the Roe v. Wade anniversary.

And I need to not be bitter about the election.  Oi vey, that one is gonna be the harder one of the two, believe you me.

Authentic friendship in the age of social media

I think most women who read this blog can relate to my experience with friendship.

In short: It was a lot easier when I was a kid.

The longer version is this: With marriage and kids maintaining old friendships and growing new ones has been a lot harder.  In real life most of my old friends (from childhood and even some from college) tend to have different beliefs and values than I do.  For the most part we don't talk about the things we differ on, we just enjoy spending time with each other because there's so much comfort in how familiar we are with one another.  Some are Christian, some are not; some democrats, some are not; some have 2 kids, some have... well actually I think they all have 2 kids or less.  And I am completely sincere when I say that these friends are some of my most cherished.  I like that we have differences and knowing and loving them and being loved by them has made me a better person.  I am grateful.

I've noticed, though, that all my newer friends are similar to me: Catholics who love God and their faith, who love lots children - whether it's all 6 of their own or all 4 of their godchildren, who believe in traditional values, and who like food and beer.  But the strongest selling point is that they're Catholic.

I don't have to be on guard around my Catholic friends.  I don't have to explain or defend why Travis and I don't contracept.  Instead I can share how hard natural family planning is for us and I am greeted with empathy and understanding.  I don't have to explain that when I say "Fulton Sheen, pray for us!" what I really mean is, "Fulton Sheen, intercede for us the same way Pastor Whatshisname intercedes for you at your megachurch when you ask for his prayers." 

But forming relationships with those newer friends is hard.  In grade school, making a new friend took days, maybe even hours or minutes.  Today it has taken months and years.

That's why I so appreciate the "well" that is the internet and social media.  Through them I can gather with women from across the country (Texas, Colorado, D.C., Connecticut, Michigan, Indy) and around the world (whatwhat, Adrienne in the UK).  Together we can laugh at this

and pray for Jen and Emma and Fulton and Kathleen and Mia and my friend Pam who is being induced today, almost a year after delivering a stillborn.

We can talk about how we celebrate holy days and lose weight and what books and movies and shows we love.  It's awesome.

And it's why I'm so excited about this upcoming event, being held in Peoria, IL. 

Please join us for an exciting and pertinent talk on

Authentic Friendship in an Age of Social Media

given by Sister Helena Burns and Lisa Schmidt

Saturday, February 2nd, 2013

Doors open at 7:10pm

Event begins at 7:30

Saint Philomena Catholic Church

3300 N Twelve Oaks Dr

Peoria, IL

There is no cost to attend this event,
though a small donation for this special event is very appreciated!

A dinner with our guest speakers will be offered at 6:00pm for $10. Separate RSVP required.

For directions and more information please go to the First Saturday Peoria website.

 

If you're coming, especially if you're coming in from out of town, please let me know! Also, if you'd like to come to the dinner make sure you RSVP by this Saturday, the 26th. Space is limited for the meal so be sure you get your place (and food!) reserved soon!

7 quick takes

1 - You can make fun of me.  It's okay.  But I think that secretly you like this song, too.

2 - So the post from last night was pretty heavy so this will be light and cheery, okay?  Okay.

3 - This is what I want it to look like outside my house:

I'd like it to be at least 10" deep.  I'd like for my husband to have a snow day wherein we sleep in and make waffles for breakfast.  I want to stand on my porch in the morning when the sun is up but the roads aren't cleared so everyone is inside and everything is still.  And I want to listen to the silence that only comes when a deep snow is still fresh.  Then later I want to build a snowman with the kids and pull them in the sled.  I want to go in and make hot chocolate while Travis and L and Ben shovel and JF and Resa nap upstairs.  

I want a snow day!

4 - Do you watch the show Ghost Hunters on Syfy?  If you do, the Jan 30th episode will supposedly be about the Peoria Asylum, an abandoned facility that closed in the 1970's.  It treated people with mental illness and locally it is well known for its supposed ghost stories.  If you watch the show or if you ever visit the site, please remember this, which is something I shared on Facebook earlier this week:

I know people just want the fun of a thrilling, local ghost story, but as the granddaughter of one of its former inhabitants I am bothered. If you're interested in the history of Peoria Asylum that's one thing and I respect that. I'm interested in it too. But if all you're looking for is a thrill I'd like to remind you that real people suffered in there. Real people lived their lives in there and those people and their memories deserve our compassion and respect, not our morbid curiosity. The stories my mom has shared with me of visiting her own mother (who had suffered brain damage) at the Peoria Asylum are nothing but sad. No one should make money or have a good time at the expense of another person, even if those people have been dead for awhile and especially if those people suffered because of mental illness.

5 - Downton Abbey question: Why is everyone so mean about Lady Edith?  Maybe I just identify with her too much and so I have a natural soft spot.  But I don't think she's that bad.  

6 - NFP question:  Travis and I would like to switch to the Marquette Method of natural family planning but there are no instructors in our area.  Has anyone else learned it via the website and emailing with a staff member?  I'm concerned that I won't learn it as well but we're also running out of options for methods that will work for us.

7 - This is funny, eh?

why is it so hard to just let go?

I've been in a funk since early November.

I keep getting online and feeling let down by people.  People complaining and saying stupid, mean things and losing their tempers and being selfish and so damn snarky I want to beg them fortheloveofallthatsholy to just shut up.

And I keep waking up every morning and trudging through the day and going to bed at night and feeling so let down by myself.  Disappointed in my complaining and saying stupid, mean things and losing my temper and being selfish and so damn judgemental I want to just go back to bed so I can stop it.

Today I took my kids to McDonald's for lunch, not because we had the money but because I wanted to get out of the house and drink a diet Dr. Pepper.  Because today, if I was a nanny, I would have quit my job.

I mean, how many times can a kid with diaper rash shart?!  And how many times do I have to tell a 4 year old that she doesn't get to watch hours of tv every morning and every afternoon and her putting her hands on her hip is not going to change my mind?  And how many times do I have to flippin explain that Spring comes after Winter and we are still in Winter and before her 5th birthday we'll have to celebrate Valentine's Day, St. Patrick's Day, Easter, and the birth of a new cousin?  And how many times do I have to ask the boys to not drop DVDs all over the living room floor like its a landmine in a war zone?

And there I was complaining again.

Lately I have baked cookies and made yummy dinners and done crafts with my kids and actually bathed them.  I've sat on the couch and read book after book after winter-themed book because I am a good mom who rotates books so that they always go with the season/holiday.

But my temper is this (-) short and I've been getting meaner and meaner to my kids.  I do this - yell and roar and say mean, cutting things - when I am tired and run down and just plain tired.  Do you know what I'm talking about?  Like I'm tired physically tired but even more so I'm tired on the inside, in all the nooks and crannies of my heart and soul and mind and will.

I keep thinking, "I hate what I'm doing," and then I say out loud, "Damnit! What the hell are you doing? I hate being a mom," in one of my bursts of anger because someone has put a diaper in the toilet again and someone else has crushed crackers into the carpet again while someone else is whining that they are hungry again and I just want everyone to shush and play nicely and let me pleasepleaseplease drink some tea and not be touched or spoken to for a good long two hours.

I loved what Rebecca said here but I know I'm not struggling now because I'm "should-ing all over myself."  I have some ideas about why things are so tough for me right now and one is physical.  Jen talked about something similar here.  But I suspect that, much like Kate, I am suffering because I'm distancing myself from God right now.  I'm still doing my morning offering and praying for the long list of others' intentions, but I need something deeper and more conversational.  I also need the Sacraments, most especially confession.

Abigail wrote so beautifully "I think the hardest thing about stay-at-home motherhood is the mental cross. It's not the pregnancy. It's not the nursing. It's the nakedness of being alone with the Infant Jesus, day in and day out--no distractions. No award dinners. No funny jokes with co-workers around the water cooler. Day in, day out. Intimacy with God."

Man, did she ever nail it.  And why is this so hard for me?  Why do I fight letting go of everything - the anger and frustrations and selfish tendencies that, when acted upon, just leave me bitter?  Why can't I just run to God and throw Him my brokenness and beg Him to fix/love/help/bless me?  Perhaps I am that pigheaded.  Perhaps I am that stupid.  Perhaps I am that human.

But my kids deserve so much better and I want them to be happy and feel loved.  Despite my stupid words I love being a mom and I am so grateful for each child God has given me.  I actually love my life, it's such a shame that my attitude doesn't reflect that right now.

Infertility and Child Loss

Our first child was miscarried at about six weeks; we named him Peter Mark. In memory of him, I would like to collect your prayer intentions that are related to the pains and anxieties of infertility or the loss of a child. 

Perhaps you and your spouse are trying to conceive. Perhaps someone you love is beginning the adoption process. Maybe you have lost several children, are pregnant again and worry about carrying your child to term. Perhaps you are miscarrying right now or buried your child years ago. For Peter's sake, please allow me to pray for you or your loved ones.

Please leave your prayer intention - for yourself or someone you know - in the comment box. Commenters may leave their name or be anonymous. You can also email me at bonniefandel {at} gmail {dot} com. You may share as little or as much as you like. With great respect, dignity, and affection I would like to pray for you, your pain, your grief, and your hope. I feel it is a calling from God and a great honor.

I, of course, invite all those who comment or read the comments to join me in praying for one another.

Thank you for this privilege.

"The Child Who was Never Born” Martin Hudáčeka

Related links:
Peter's would have been 5th birthday
Holy Innocents - why it's best not to tell a grieving parent "God needed another angel"
How to support a miscarrying mother
A woman's maternity
The sad month of May

A Mother's Love retreats for mourning couples and mothers

for Pete's sake

Today is Peter Mark's due date.  Had he lived we'd be celebrating his 5th birthday.  Maybe not today, but January 15th is all I have.  I know that he died because of a chromosomal issue and he wouldn't have been able to live outside of the womb.  But I wish I could have carried him long enough to to have held and then buried his little body.  I still feel like such a failure because I couldn't bury him.

Peter's "Baby's First Christmas" ornament.

 In the comment box of a recent post I shared the following story.  It's something I imagine to explain why Peter died and it brings me comfort.  I thought I'd share it here, too.

  

While God was knitting my son in the quiet, secret place He told him that He would like to use his little brother to do a miracle. There could be several ways it could play out, but would Peter be willing to sacrifice something so it could play out in a certain way? And then I imagine God telling Peter that instead of being born he could just come to Heaven, which would lead me - his Momma - on a path to choose homebirth.

Because Peter would have been born in a hospital and if his birth would have been anything like his sister's (over 20 hours of labor and a big baby) I think it would have ended in a c-section. And so I think my next baby, Ben 10lb 11oz, would have also been a c-section. And JF, born so soon after Ben and another large baby, would have also been a c-section. A c-section = no stillborn = no miracle.

I imagine Peter hearing this and saying Yes, he would do it.

As a way to honor the child I lost through miscarriage, Peter Mark, and to share your burden, please allow me to pray for you or your loved ones who are carrying the cross of infertility or loss of a child.

You may share your prayer request in the comment box. Comments may be anonymous and please feel free to share as much or as little as you like.

Also, can you please join me in praying for Jen and Emma and Fulton?

It is an honor to pray for you. Thank you for the privilege.

What is a miracle?

Long time readers of this little blog will understand why I am always curious to read anything that has to do with the Catholic Church and miracles.

(What?  You're new to the blog?  Well, welcome!  And read the Sheen tab at the top of the blog to learn about the miracle that happened to my son, James.)

Matt Warner at NC Register is doing a great series called "Ask Fr. Barron" and today's question was "What is a miracle?"  Go watch the video!  It is so enlightening!  Fr. Barron's answer, especially the summary of St. Augustine's definition, has brought such clarity to what happened to James.

And then he talks about the Eucharist and it blew my mind!

Go, go, go!  It's beautiful!  And thank you, Matt, for this great series!

(Here's the link one more time.)

And here's some more exclamation points!!!!!!!!

!!

Watch this video

I loved and appreciated what our President said in his speech and I wondered why his passion and words only applied to babies who were born and wanted.

I wish we could go to the March for Life.  I wish we could join the hundreds of thousands of babies, toddlers, children, teens, young adults, mature adults, priests, nuns, bishops, and laypeople who will be marching for an end to abortion and for the respect due to the dignity to every person - including those who are just little, quickly developing beings traveling down their mothers' fallopian tubes, awaiting implantation.

7 quick takes

1 - Just a simple, happy song for today.

2 - L and I both wake up incredibly grumpy.  I am more likely to blow my top in the first 30 minutes of the day than the rest of it combined.  This is especially true if I have to get out of bed before I want to and if I wake up to a messy house.

3 - I hope you can come to the following:

Authentic Friendship in an Age of Social Media

given by Sister Helena Burns and Lisa Schmidt

Saturday, February 2nd, 2013

Doors open at 7:10pm

Event begins at 7:30

The First Saturday Women's group is hosting this event at St. Phil's in Peoria, IL.  I know several out of town blogger friends are coming and it would be great if you could join us!  Let me know if you'll be attending!  You can email me (see Contact tab) or leave a comment.

And for more information, including for dinner prior to the talk, please see First Saturday's website. 

4 - We're going to a playdate at McDonald's today, despite the flu season.  I'm hoping that since it's already worked its way through our house we'll be okay, especially if we wash our hands a lot and use hand sanitizer.  Oh well - I gotta get out of this house!

5 - In a contest of oranges verses clementines, clementines would win.  Sweeter, bit sized, and easier to peel.  Sorry oranges.

6 - I was invited to share JF's story to a Lifelong Learners class at a local university.  Julie, who works for the Sheen Foundation, was teaching a class on the canonization process and asked me to come.  The best part of it all was the questions.  I love when people ask questions.  People have such interesting thoughts and I enjoy experiencing the story through them.  So if you ever hear me speak and you have a question - don't be shy!  Ask!

7 - We love The Lorax at our house.  The book, of course, is fantastic.  The old cartoon can be watched in its entirety on YouTube and the new movie can be watched instantly on Netflix.  L and I looooove the songs from the new movie.  I bet you a dollar you'll be singing them later if you watch it.

a little bedroom redo

We've never bought a dresser.  Travis' came from his parents.  Mine came from my parents, who got it from my grandparents.  L's was bought at an auction and refurbished by my dad.  JF's was found in my parents' basement and cleaned up a bit.  Ben's was a broken down one left in the house when we bought it.  Resa's was given to us by some friends who ran out of room in their moving van.  

So when I noticed that my Great-Grandmother's dresser was just sitting in my parents' basement I asked if we could have it so we could pass mine on to Ben and get rid of his.  After much guilt-tripping my dad finally said yes and then, out of the kindness of his own heart, he refinished it for me.  

Here she is.  Ain't she a beaut?

My dresser houses my favorite things.

There's the Baptismal gown all my kids have worn.  It was handmade by my friend Sr. Marie Noelle.

There's a little statue of Peter Pan, because I love that story with its mermaids and pirates and fairies.

There's the handkerchiefs my friend embroidered for Travis but he hasn't used.

There's a picture of JF in the NICU to remind me of where we've been.

There's a statue of Mary with the Infant Christ.

And there's my jewelry tree that holds several special items. 

A medal of Christ holding a baby, which reads "Safe in the arms of Jesus." Someone who reads my blog anonymously sent it to me in memory of my son Peter. 

The people who read my blog are the best.  Seriously.  

The back is even inscribed with his name and the year he lived. 

This rosary bracelet has a miraculous medal, given to me by my college chaplain who received it from his personal friend, Mother Teresa. 

With the new dresser came some other rearranging.

The "office" area became more of a seating area. 

This is the frame that sat on my old dresser.  I put it together years ago, when Travis and I were newlyweds. There's JPII holding the Blessed Sacrament, some statues from Poland, Fulton Sheen (yes, he was watching over JF's birth), Michelangelo's Moses, pictures with friends, the coast off Highway 1, and the sunset in my backyard.  It's a collection of some of the best places I've been in life and some great people I've been there with. 

My good taste in bad music

Instead of saying something mean about how horrible Will.i.am's Scream & Shout is I thought I'd share five songs that are lame or weird or just plain uncool, but I love them anyways.

#5 Kenny Rogers' Ruby Don't Take Your Love To Town.  I think a few years ago it was hip to like Rogers' The Gambler but that day has ended and this is the wrong song anyways.  Cake also has a good cover of this song, if you're interested.



#4  Gogol Bordello's Start Wearing Purple.  I put the acoustic version here because I just couldn't tell if there was something inappropriate happening in the regular video.  I learned about these guys from the movie Everything Is Illuminitated, which itself is a weird but good film.  The lead singer is one of the main characters in the film and his band's music is also featured.



#3 John Paul Young's Love Is In The Air.  I confess, I probably love this song so much because I also love Strictly Ballroom.  So good.



#2 Corn Mo's Lollipop Time. This guy opened for They Might Be Giants when I saw them in Madison, WI.  I loved him even though he is so out there.



#1 Lesley Gore's Sunshine, Lollipops, and Rainbows.  I know this song is so very cheesy and perky but I just love it.  When it comes on the radio I blast that baby and sing along.  This song always makes me feel happy, and there's nothing wrong with that!



Okay, I actually can't hold it in.  The song is sooooo bad!  In won't say anything about how ridiculous poor Brittney looks and sounds... beyond that.



Okay, let's get something good, shall we?

I'm gonna keep on blogging

When I began this blog in the spring of 2007 I thought it would be simple and small and filled with pictures of my kids and stories from our lives.  I thought it would be read by people who knew us personally.  But then one day a stranger, a woman from the Pacific Northwest, emailed me and said she enjoyed my blog and was grateful for it because I was the only Catholic she knew.

With that email came a challenge in my heart that I needed to catechize, evangelize, and most importantly to be the kind of Catholic that Christ would be happy to have represent Him.  I saw that in wanting to be authentic online I needed to be authentic in real life and I have tried very, very hard to be the type of Christian who can say, "Be holy as I am holy" and not have a line of people wanting to sucker punch me.

I have tried very hard - and I am still working on this!  Believe me! - to represent Christ and the Catholic Church as I believe them to be: loving, forgiving, joyful, hopeful, peaceful, engaging, fun, compassionate, just,  kind, generous, open to life, pro-woman, pro-family, pro-life.  This is difficult because many of those adjectives I would not use to describe myself and growing in virtue is tough.  But I still put myself out there - online and in my parish and community, as a representative of the Catholic Church, hoping that people will in the very least appreciate that I'm trying.

And then someone I love posted this picture of Facebook.

Now, a couple of things about this image.  First, Westboro Baptists do horrible, horrible things in the name of Christ and they are wrong.  But notice how the image representing Catholicism isn't of anyone doing anything ugly or mean - it's just the pope, tugging on his vestments.  You might as well - in fact you should! - take his picture out and put mine there.  Not because I hate people who are gay (because I don't!) or would ever call them 'fags' (but I'd like to say something to people who do!) or tell them God hates them (because He does not!) or that they're going to Hell (maybe we're all going to Hell in a hand basket).  Lord have mercy!

No, that should be my picture because if I am the only person you know who is Catholic - who is actually living out the Faith as handed down by the Apostles and held up by the Magesterium - then I must be doing a pretty piss poor job if you think Catholics and the WBB folks belong on the same meme.

It's frustrating and discouraging to feel like the one thing I am trying my hardest to do isn't working.  And when I first thought about it I just wanted to give up.  But I don't think I will.  Because I think another quality of the Church is that She doesn't give up on the mission Christ has given Her.  My mission may be a very small, wee bitty bit of Hers, but I think it still matters to God that I do it, even if the only person who ever cared was that woman from the Pacific Northwest.

7 quick takes

1 - I'm doing another choose your song week.  You can have Sufjan Stevens "Holy Holy Holy" or The Civil Wars singing "Billie Jean".  Enjoy!

2 - Waaaay back in November I did a phone interview with Audrey Assad for Ignitum Today.  It was really neat to speak with her - I especially loved the parts where she talked about redemptive suffering and Anna Karenina.  Here's the article if you're interested: An Interview with Singer-Songwriter Audrey Assad.

3 - This week has been a hard one for me emotionally.  I know a lot of you are already praying for Jen, who is in the hospital with blood clots in her lungs, and her unborn son.  I've also been praying for a relative whose father unexpectedly died and some friends who are suffering.  Ora pro nobis.

4 - On a lighter note the Christmas tree came down a little early for our house.  It was so dry that the ornaments were sliding off the branches and there were pine needles everywhere.  It's sitting on our front porch, which is far as I would carry it.  The other Christmas decorations are still out but I must admit, while I miss the lights I'm happy that our home feels open and less cluttered again.

5 - I've done a horrible job at preparing the kids for Epiphany.  Awhile ago Arwen Mosher told me via Twitter that at their home the kids' leave hay or lettuce in their shoes at night and then the Wise Men come, feed the lettuce to their camels, and leave little gifts for the kiddos.  Travis and I really liked that idea and I bought some markers and toothbrushes to leave in the shoes.  But beyond the basic Christmas story and reading one book I haven't done much to build it up for the kids and teach them about the Wise Men, the gifts, etc. 

6 - I've also been slacking at homeschool.  I wanted to start "second semester" with the letter M but we took off too much time before Christmas to get that done.  So yesterday I crammed the letter J and K together in one day (as opposed to each letter getting two days in their own week).  And to make up for my lackluster approach to Epiphany I taught the kids that K stood for Three Kings instead the King of Kings - Jesus Christ.  We made crowns.  They liked it.  It's preschool, for Pete's sake, so I'm not too worried.  Right?

7 - Earlier this week I called my old friend Sr. Marie Noelle.  She was my best friend in college, joined the Nashville Dominicans after graduation, and is now missioned to a school less than two hours away.  She invited me to come up and spend the day with her and I jumped at the chance.  Resa and I arrived just after 10am and we stayed through Vespers.  It was the first time I was able to hang out with her all day long, all by myself since she left for Nashville in over eight years.   I was able to visit with a couple of her sisters, see her classroom, have lunch, and talk about movies.  It really was a wonderful day and I'm so glad we were able to make it happen.

the most popular posts of 2012

#10 Holy Innocents - why it's best not to tell grieving parents, "God needed another angel"
       Good manners + theology  

#9 What I Wore Sunday - November 11th
     The Sunday I looked super cute.

#8  I Just Want to Binge Eat All Day Long
      I haven't lost a pound since I wrote this.

#7  No Sex For Months
      Post partum nfp majorly sucks & there's nothing anyone can do about it.

#6  The Long Awaited MRI Results Are In!
      Written in 2011 but still a heavy-hitter.

#5  People at the Grocery Store Think I Have Too Many Kids
      But I don't, especially because Ben is awesome.

#4  James Fulton
      Written on JF's birthday in 2011.

#3  When Your BFF Becomes a Nun
      Sr. Marie Noelle's final profession with the Nashville Dominicans.

#2  the Advent Series
      Maybe this is cheating, but I don't care.

#1  The Wait Was Well Worth It
      By far the most popular post, thanks to Jen and Simcha both linking to it.
      Over 39,000 people know about the first time I had sex.