Breakfast Pizza Recipe

I've finally updated my recipe box blog.  Travis made a copycat version of Casey's breakfast pizza last weekend and it was excellent.  You can check out the recipe here:

Homemade Casey's Breakfast Pizza

Look at how good it looks.  You know you want some...

7 quick takes

1 - So I've been listening to this song on repeat for about 3 weeks.  I hate the video, though.  The song definitely tells a story that happened in the 80's but everything is current except for the mix tape.  Seriously, do people younger than 25 even know what mix tapes are?  I don't think so.  So don't watch the dumb video, just listen to the song and appreciate all its references to songs we can all hopefully agree are great.

2 - I own this album, as in record. There's something about a record... but I can't listen to them anymore because my kids would break or scratch them, I am sure of it. I'm on Fire is probably my favorite song, closely followed by Working on the Highway. I think I have a strong association between my childhood and Bruce Springsteen and John Mellencamp songs. They always make me think of playing in my neighborhood, eating popsicles, and riding in the backseat of my parents grey Oldsmobile. It makes me happy.

3 - On Pinterest I saw the suggestion to take a picture of your daughter in your wedding dress so it can be displayed at her wedding. Of course the picture on Pinterest showed a little girl with styled hair and good lighting, probably sitting in a portrait studio. This is Lydia at the end of the day, sitting on my bed. But it doesn't really matter. She looked beautiful in the dress and I was delighted when she told me she would wear it on her own wedding day. (I seriously love that dress so much that until I could no longer fit in it I would wear it around the house, talking on the phone, watching tv, whatever. Love it.)

4 - Now it's time for some cute pictures of my kids. These are a little late being posted but it's still the Season of Easter so I'm not gonna fret.

 

5 - Over at IGNITUM TODAY we're doing a symposium on Mercy and Killing, which grew out of an email exchange about mercy killing.  You can check out my post, Black and White for the Shades of Grey.  It took me a long time to gather my thoughts and write the essay.  I feel like the tone changes and it doesn't flow, but I still hope you read it.  It's intimidating stating that mercy killing parents aren't monsters when the internet is full of people ready and willing to rip my head off for saying such a thing. 

6 - It's probably really lame that I can't remember is in the US we're supposed to spell it "gray" or "grey" though it's even more lame that I didn't look it up I just decided to go with the 'e' and keep it at that.  If "grey" is the British spelling let's all just blame my concentration in British literature and call it good.

7 - Tonight my mom is keeping all three kids overnight.  In anticipation I have blown off the whole day and done nothing but feed and dress the kids at eat cookie dough.  I hope you're gonna do something fun tonight!

Thank you, Alishia!

To the lovely Alishia who lives in Phoenix and went to high school with Dave Heller, and took it upon herself to email him and ask him and JJ to sing a song for me:

THANK YOU!

You made me very happy and I cried very hard (though I think I covered it well) when they performed My Savior's Love Endures for me.

The concert was wonderful and I got a huge kick out of meeting the Hellers and Audrey Assad.  But the definite highlight was hearing my request.

So thank you again, Alishia, for your thoughtfulness and for putting yourself out there for me.

Wait for it....

-



Engstrom baby #5 is a GIRL!



And she's a tough lookin' sucka if you ask me.  Here she is last week with her elbow pointing at you and a grimace on her face.

I'm sorry if you missed the news.  I never made an announcement because, frankly, I'm just not my "normal" self right now.

I'll also be birthing at a local hospital this time around.  A long time ago I prayed about where I should go and I felt like God was probably calling me in that direction.  I'm also doing it to make the grandmas happy.  Because of my intense fear of pushing this baby girl out (it was during pushing that James died) I would rather be at home (away from the hospital crap when the baby is a stillborn) or just have a c-section but neither of options are really healthy and I know I'm just copping out. 

Don't get me wrong, though, I am still very pro homebirth.  Very.  In fact, the midwife I'm using did some of her training with my homebirth midwife and is very supportive of homebirth.  She is doing everything she can to make sure this hospital birth - and just this birth! - are positive experiences for me.  She has even encouraged me to have my homebirth midwife come to the birth.

This birth will be very different from my first 3.  All the post partum things I love and that make being at home so special won't happen.  But the good news is that my homebirth midwife and her birth assistant who have attended all three previous births will come to the hospital.  That makes me so happy.

So maybe you can see why I never really announced these things - our child's gender and the hospital birth - I have a large amount of confusing emotions surrounding them all!  But sorry to my friends who felt out of the loop, and sorry to my daughter whose life I should be celebrating.

Des Moines people

If you live in or around Des Moines, Iowa I encourage you to attend The Bishop Sheen event.

THE BISHOP SHEEN EVENT CONSISTS OF:• A screening of the documentary, “Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen: Servant of All”
• A screening of the Archbishop’s most popular talk from his television show, “Life is Worth Living”
• A talk by Msgr. Frank Chiodo from St. Anthony’s on the impact Bishop Sheen had on the world.
TIME: 11 AM
DATE: Saturday, April 28th
PLACE: The Fleur Cinema, 4545 Fleur Drive, DSM

SEATING is LIMITED. Don’t wait. Order your tickets online today and save: $7 adults/$5 students

The couple who are producing and promoting the event, Tom and Karen Quiner, will also show some footage of me talking about James' alleged miraculous healing through the intercession of Archbishop Sheen.

Also, the lovely Lisa Schmidt of The Practicing Catholic will be at the event.  Lisa was one of our guest bloggers at the Behold Conference and I truly enjoyed meeting her.  If you don't read her blog, read it.  And if you want to meet the friendly woman yourself, go!  (You can read Lisa's thoughts on The Bishop Sheen event here, The Drumbeat for Beatification Builds.

7 quick takes

1 - JJ Heller, I will see you and Audrey Assad tonight! And you told me you'd sing My Savior's Love Endures for me!  And maybe you'll sing this song, too, which would be very appropriate since it's the Season of Easter and all.  Just sayin'...

2 - I am so excited about this concert.  Some friends and I are going to dinner first.  I will eat fried chicken and watch them drink beer.  I'm not excited about that - I'd like to drink beer, too.  mmm...beer...

3 - Wednesday I officially became 9 months pregnant.  36 weeks have come and gone so quickly.  Jiminy!  At my appointment with the midwife yesterday I learned that I actually do not have gestational diabetes (my bad, I misunderstood) so I feel a lot less guilty about all those Moolattes I've been drinking lately.  I also learned that the little girl in my womb's legs are measuring 40 weeks and the sonographer was guessing for a 9lb 7oz baby.  (I asked for her guess.)

4 - Everything is so different with a hospital birth verses a home birth.  Here's the list of things I can think to bring to the hospital, now tell me what I'm missing:
-change of clothes for pp
-clothes to wear home
-clothes for Baby Girl to wear home
-Baby Girl's blankie, in case it's cool.
-infant car seat
-lap top
-camera
-shampoo and conditioner
-toothbrush, deodorant, brush, make-up, etc.
-whatever stuff Travis wants to bring - he's on his own.

How's that for a list?  I'm really sad I won't have a birthday cake this year.  I haven't even thought about what I would pick.  Maybe angel food cake with berries and ice cream?  Smelling the cake bake while I labored was always one of my favorite things. 

5 - In happier news Travis told me a few nights ago that he thinks I look thinner.  By the end of the day my feet, face, and hands may be slightly bloated but my back fat is going away.  I have not been dieting during this pregnancy (remember the thing about the Moolattes?) but it has been my goal to weigh less post partum with Baby Girl than I did when I began the pregnancy.  I'm so tired of being fat.

6- Which is not to say I want to look anything like this.  I don't get the fitness inspiration boards on Pinterest.  I would probably feel just as unattractive lookin like that lady as I do now.  Her body is like a teenage boy's but with boobs.  Am I being mean?  Maybe.  I just like soft a curvy.  So does my husband, so that's good.

7-  On that note, I think I'm going to bake the best chocolate chips cookies ever.  Ever.

Exciting news for Sheen's cause

Earlier this week I received an email from the executive director of the Sheen Foundation with news that the date for the review of the Positio by the "ordinaries" (Cardinals and Bishop who advise the Congregation for the Causes of the Saints) has been set for May 15, 2012.  (The Positio is the official "position paper" explaining why the Catholic Church should declare Sheen a saint.)

The email suggested that from May 7-15 we all pray for the Cause.  May 7 just "happens" to be the vigil of Sheen's May 8th birthday.  May 15 is the day before my due date, which is neither here nor there but I just wanted to throw that in.

I'm inviting all my bloggity friends to join my family in keeping that novena by praying the prayer for the canonization of Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen, which is in the top right corner of this blog and printed at the bottom of this post.

Additionally, I encourage you to financially support the Sheen Foundation.  As they continue to process the details of James' (allegedly) miraculous healing there are some bills that need to be paid, like for the translators.  We will be making a donation to the Sheen Foundation (now that our checks have come in the mail!) and I ask you to give with us.  Whether is $5 or $500, a tithe or an alms, I sincerely hope you pray and think about giving and that you are able to make a contribution.  But of course the most important thing you can do is to PRAY for this canonization!
If you want more information on the cause or how to donate please check out the Sheen tab at the top of this blog.

Archbishop Fulton Sheen Foundation prayer for Canonization
Heavenly Father, source of all holiness, You raise up within the Church in every age men and women who serve with heroic love and dedication.  You have blessed Your Church through the life and ministry of Your faithful servant, Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen.  He has written and spoken well of Your Divine Son, Jesus Christ, and was a true instrument of the Holy Spirit in touching the hearts of countless people. 
If it be according to your Will, for the honor and glory of the Most Holy Trinity and for the salvation of souls, we ask You to move the Church to proclaim him a saint.  We ask this prayer through Jesus Christ, our Lord. Amen

7 quick takes

1 - The first line is the best first line of any song ever.  You do know this song, right?  I was one year old when this song came out and I know it - surely you do, too!  It's one of my favorite Bruce Springsteen songs.  I love the story it tells and the characters that are developed in it.  It's amazing.  Favorite line in the song:  Well our luck may have died and our love may be cold but with you forever I'll stay. 

2 - Here's some updates on James:

* He can say "Hi" "up" and "yeah" although he usually only says "hi" or grunts.  He can sign "more" "please" "where" "all done" "cracker" "book" and he waves hello and good-bye and will shake your hand if you say "Pleased to meet you."  Since he's 18 months he's definitely delayed in his communication but only by a few months, and he's quickly catching up!

* He was evaluated at Easter Seals as a follow-up, info gathering sorta thing for cooling babies. The physical therapist put his gross motor skills at 15 months (dumb bowed legs are partially to blame) and his fine motor at 16.5 (although his grasping skills were those of a 20 mo). His cognitive/learning skills placed him at 16 months. So, like I've said before, he's normal. :)

* He throws up almost every single day and while sometimes we know why (he gagged or lots of mucus-snot in his belly) a lot of the time we don't know why. He went to an allergist who thinks that James may have eosinophilic esophogitis which means he throat is becoming inflamed due to allergies.  It's looking like the little guy will be seeing a specialist, having an endoscopy and biopsy, and hopefully we will figure all this out.

3 - Thanks to everyone who partook in the "No sex for months" conversation!  I wrote a little follow-up post, "So we're all in this together".  I'll probably be coming back to this a lot in the next months - my apologies now. 

4 - Speaking of sex: for months I've wanted to write a post about being a virgin when I got married and how great that was.   I want to write it not to make anyone feel bad but in hopes that it may encourage someone.  I have the post in my head, I just need to get to a place where I can type it out.

Look at how handsome my husband is!

5 - Last night I had dreams about zombies taking over the earth.  My zombies are always like the zombie/vampire things in I Am Legend.  (Why did I ever agree to watch that movie?  I hate scary movies!)  Of course every dream about zombies trying to break into your home is far, far worse when the only thing between them and my kids are me, hiding the kids as we crouch in a corner, and Travis with a shotgun. 

Travis dreamed that the strawberries in our garden had started to grow.

6 - So on Twitter, Facebook, and this blog I pleaded with JJ Heller to please sing her song My Savior's Love Endures when she is in Eureka next Friday for a concert.  The song means a lot to me as I sang it over James when he was in the NICU. 

So it went down like this: 

 That's right - she said YES!  I'm so excited!  And I'll probably cry - fair warning to any central Illinoisans who may also be attending the upcoming JJ Heller / Audrey Assad show.

7 - On that note I'm going to shower, eat old donuts for breakfast and get dinner in the crockpot.  You know we're having meat today - Easter Friday and all!



So we're all in this together

A quick follow-up to my No Sex for Months post.  Once again this may be too much information for some.  Deb, my dear mother-in-law, Grandma Joan, and Mom, you have been warned.

First: Thanks to everyone for all the feedback. Based on what I know about my body and the snippets I got from people via email, facebook, and the combox there is no way in the world that I am going to use my mucus to judge when I'm fertile or not. I don't care what Creighton people say, I am already convinced that Travis and I are two of the most fertile people ever and I am leaving no room for human error. So maybe we'll go with the ClearBlueEasy stick but probably we will do the only sure thing, which is not have sex for a long time.

Second:  Do you know how mortified my husband is about me blogging all of this?  He has not forbidden me to write about it, though, because I think he sees it as useful or something else that is good.  Which is good because I'm not doing this to be scandalous or shocking, I'm doing this because nfp is hard and I need help and it's a good thing to build up support and empathy - even if it is with people I only know via the internet.

Third:  I am actually amazed at how many of my friends, after reading my post, confided in me that postpartum they too went 4, 5, 6 or more months without having sex. Why have we never complained together about how much that sucks? And why have I never read about chastity in that part of marriage? Maybe because it's a little too personal for most people?

Fourth:  The other response that surprised me to the "no sex" post was how many people promoted Creighton to me. I have a lot of respect and appreciation for Dr. Hilgers, the Pope Paul VI Institute, NaProTechnology, etc. but personally I have had some really unfortunate conversations with Creighton people in my area.  The comments they've made to me - some more offensive and hurtful than what I've gotten from pro-contraception/small family people - have really turned me off from ever wanting to learn their method of nfp. It was refreshing to have people recommend Creighton to me in a way that didn't insult my intelligence, mock my marriage bed, or belittle my children's existences. So thank you for that!

Attention JJ Heller!

Dear JJ,

One week from tomorrow you will be in Eureka, IL, performing with Audrey Assad.  Yay!  A group of my friends and I will also be there, so eager to see you both perform. 

Your songs have meant a lot to me but there is one that has been especially meaningful in my life, My Savior's Love Endures.  I know that it's not on the album you're promoting with this tour, and I know that it's not one of your hits, but that was the song I sang every day to my son, James, when he was in the NICU for seven weeks.  Mary's prayer put to music - it helped me pray over and for my son when I was otherwise at a loss for words. 

I know you're a mom, too, and so I am sure you can appreciate how heartbreaking and scary it was for me to be in the intensive care unit, holding my newborn, and not knowing if he would die or live a life of severe disability as my friends, family, and I prayed for a miracle. 

I'm not sure if you take requests, but if you do I would *love* to hear you sing My Savior's Love Endures when you're in Eureka on April 20th. 

Just think about it.  And then decide that you will.  ;)

Thanks and many blessings,
Bonnie

PS. Here's a post I wrote almost a year ago about what the song means to me.



 JJ Heller's My Savior's Love Endures. I hear the song and I remember sitting in that blue rocker in James' NICU room, patting his back, and singing the song to him.

My soul does magnify the greatness of the Lord. In me His favor lights. In my Savior I rejoice...

I did not feel like glorifying God or rejoicing in Him. I did not feel favored. I felt scared. I felt tired. I felt alone. But when I sang those words I meant them. I chose to mean them. I had to believe in something so I chose to believe in Hope. I chose to have some One to believe in. I chose to praise.

He has done mighty things, Holy is His Name...

"Yes," I would think, "He has done mighty things and He could do another." I was not wrong or foolish or childish to hope that He would. If God would have left James as a boy with severe disabilities that wouldn't have changed the fact that God has done mighty things. Even if God would have let James die His Name would still be holy. And so I could trust in Him. If He's holy then what He wants is Right and Good. And so if He wanted James to be dead, disabled, or normal then the outcome - whichever one - would be Right and Good. I'm not saying it was (or is) easy to believe these things, but then again it really, truly was. I think it's all about picking up a cross but having an easy yoke, a light burden. I was still carrying a cross - big, heavy, hard - and if we stood back and looked at it we would all agree that it was too much for me to bear. But when I got under it and hoisted it up I found that I could do it. I discovered that it fit me well. It was very, very hard but at the same time it wasn't.

Oh Israel find your help solely in the Lord.

I have heard mothers of other sick children beg their kids to fight. And I, too, would ask James to concentrate on breathing or swallowing safely or whatever other hurdle he had to surmount. But I didn't ask him to fight. I asked God to fight for him and I asked James to use the strength he was given to get better. If we put our trust in ourselves we cannot be miraculously healed.

His mercy's without end, His promise will endure.

I had to remember these things and I had to teach them to my son:
God's mercy is infinite - He is loving and good. He looks on NICU babies and parents with great tenderness. He holds us in His righteous right hand. He places us in His heart.
And his promise will endure. His promise that He is with us, even unto the ending of the world. His promise that He will never give us something we cannot handle. His promise that suffering is redemptive. His promise that He makes all things new. His promise that those who hope in the Lord will not be disappointed.

When the Blessed Virgin Mary first sang those words she was rejoicing in having been chosen to bear a son. How beautifully humbling to sing them with her.

Glory be to the Father and the Son. Glory be to the Spirit, three in one. Glory be in the beginning and the end. Glory forever, Amen

No sex for months

How's that for a catchy title?  It needs to be catchy because I need people to read this post and offer some advice, send me some links, lend me some books, and let me know if it's gonna suck as much as I think it's gonna suck.

And just to be completely clear - this is a natural family planning postpartum post.  Mucus, breastfeeding, gettin'-it-on, and Church theology will all be discussed here.  If that's not your cup of tea I think the Pioneer Woman is talking about being a rancher, or cooking, or something that doesn't involve my four topics of the day.  You'll be happier there.

In about five weeks I'm going to give birth to my fourth child.  We will be a family of six (6, yo) with all four kiddos being four and under.  As in Lydia will have turned four two weeks prior, Bennet will be two and three-fourths and James will be one and three-fourths.  For the record, this baby was more or less planned.

But after this baby comes Travis and I don't want to have any more kids for a long time... or forever.  Who knows?  God knows.  And He also knows that I feel like the Mad Hatter and need a good, long break from pregnancy, babies, and buying a bigger van.  I've told Him so, and He has a first row seat to my life.

Motherhood:

Anyways, all of this is building up to a point and that point is this:  How in the hell do people practice natural family planning when they are:

- breastfeeding, but...
- NOT ecologically breastfeeding
- prone to crazy, hard to read because it's almost always there and varying postpartum mucus
- super, duper, ridiculously fertile

I would really like to nurse this baby but co-sleeping, baby-wearing, nursing on demand, and not letting a kid who wants to sleep through the night, sleep through the night do not work for me.  At all.  Ecological breastfeeding is not an option for me because it transforms me into the worst mother, wife, and person in the world. 

TMI alert - after James was born Trav and I were not intimate for four months because we did not want to get pregnant.  (That's right I wouldn't have even been able to take the Guttmacher survey about nfp and contraceptives because of the very fact that I was practicing nfp!)  I was also not nursing James, just pumping for awhile but that had stopped by four months.

My husband and I are completely committed to the Church's teachings on sex, marriage, chastity, contraception, and nfp. But that doesn't mean I don't look at the list above and have to remind myself of why I believe those things.

There's also this:

Abstinence is probably our best bet if I really am going to nurse, and I know that because I will not be ecologically breastfeeding my cycles will return sooner.  But I'm still thinking I need to wait a good two or three cycles before we do anything crazy and that could very well mean four, five, six, or more months of postpartum nothingness.  We have done abstinence before but, I will be honest, chastity in those four months was pretty hard at times. 

So now the bottom line:  Does anyone out there have any experience with something similar?  Any advice to offer?  Anything?  Surely I am not the only woman God has put on His green earth with a similar situation.  Right?

update on James

update on James 15 cognitive; 16 motor

allergies

dinner

big and cranky

I've gotten to the point in this pregnancy where I'm super big.

I waddle.  Clothes that fit last week don't fit today.  I have given up completely on bending over, wearing pants, and trying to not bump into people and things.

I've only gained 16lbs in the 35 weeks I've been pregnant but I am big, round, and uncomfortable.  It seems there is a correlation between my size and months preggo (next Wednesday I'll be 9 months!) and my grumpiness.

This is what my husband tells me anyways.

He's probably right.