NKOTBSB or reflections on manhood after a boy band concert

To help me celebrate my 30th birthday a good friend drove me to Indianapolis for the NKOTBSB concert.  It was a blast.  For the most part the audience was women like myself, between the ages of 25-40, nicely but modestly dressed, there to relive their youth a little bit and sing along to some favorite songs from the past.

My two favorite NKOTB songs are Cover Girl and Tonight.  I loved hearing them live.  The whole night was fun - there was a sense of camaraderie amongst the fans as we cheered for opening act Matthew Morrison, the New Kids, and the Backstreet Boys. 

As a group I enjoyed the New Kids the most.  (Old loyalties die hard.)  My friend, a die hard Nick Carter and BSB fan, with special order "Future Backstreet Boy Fan" shirt pointing to her baby bump, was the perfect companion for the giddy fun.

L-R: Howie, AJ, Joey, Jon, Jordan, Brian, Danny, and Nick

But the best part for me (besides spending lots of really quality time with my friend) was how much I thought of my husband.  The guys would grind and flash their abs and arms.  Dance moves frequently brought attention to their groins, emphasized on the jumbo screens that showed close ups.  Women would scream.  I would not.

You can say it if you want to.  I'm a prude.  I'm okay with that.

I just kept thinking, "This is not manhood.  The anatomy is not what makes a man a real man."  I kept thinking of Travis.  He would never do those kinds of things.  In fact whenever I tell people about that part of the concert he shakes his head in disappointment.  And I understand why he does.

A real man has integrity.  He is hard working and doesn't sell his sexuality to make money.  A real man is honest, kind, steadfast.  He seeks God and invests himself in his wife, children, family and friends.  He serves, forgives, and shares. 

A real man preserves the dignity and purity of a woman.

He does not grind in her face.

Of course I know that these 40 year old men were performing and I am sure that they posses many of the qualities that I listed above.  In fact, I was continually impressed by Brian Littrell, the one band member who did not act macho throughout the concert.  Brian, who has released a Christian solo album, was light-hearted, smiling and waving at the crowds.  When the concert was over, it was Brian who got the biggest cheer from me. 

The pop concert was a lot of fun.  The boy bands were very entertaining.  It was one of the most fun nights of my life!  Really.  I'm incredibly grateful for the gift.

But in the end, it is Travis and the other good men in my life that I am a true fan of.  My children's godfathers, my brothers, Newman friends, my husband - these are the men who are building up our culture and the Kingdom.  How blessed I am to have a front row seat.

Sharing summer survival tips

Hello friends!  Today I thought we could all share tips of fun things to do in the summer heat.  What's a great way you keep your kids busy?  Do you have special trips or treats you keep in your back pocket, ready to whip out when you want the kids to play hard and nap harder on hot days?  Do the kids take long baths with extra special toys? Is there something special you do at the library? Do you shamelessly feed them ice cream?  I'd love to hear what it is!

Feel free to post your adventure on your own blog, leaving a comment so I know to include you in a list I'll update in this post.  And if you don't blog please tell me your secret tip in the comment box.

Here's who's playing along:
Marie
Cynthia
Lisa

Here's mine:

This is something that is sure to make me an amazing super mom to my kids - I take them to McDonald's for lunch, followed by playing in the play area, followed by ice cream on the way home. 

I am brilliant in my execution of these special outings.  In the morning I tell the kids that if they are good we will go to McDonald's.  They are then well behaved.  They obey, don't fight, use good manners.  Of course I may have to threaten taking McDonald's away - and once I had to follow through on that - but now they know and my life is easier.

The first catch is we only go to McD's that have indoor play areas.  I'm not sitting in the heat, people. 

The second catch is they have to eat most of their lunch before we can leave the restaurant area to play.  They always comply.

They then play, climbing up and sliding down.  We're usually there for 25 minutes or so.  James and I watch while Bennet and Lydia conquer their fears on the ascent and squeal with delight on the way down. 

Then, and this is important, I tell the kids that it's time to go but I promise them ice cream to eat on the way home.  This is gold, people, gold.  One small cup of ice cream to go plus lots of napkins and we are happily and cooperatively walking to the van.  Then I halve the ice cream, putting Lydia's portion in the lid and I have three full, tired, happy, strapped in kids - ready for naps and quiet time when we get home.

praying at McDonald's

sharing summer survival tips

It's hot all over!

 We are going sTiR cRaZy over here.  We've got a list of things to do when the weather is too hot to be outside but I've used most of them.  But I'm sure you've got some really creative ideas, too.

So let's share our ideas.

Monday I'll be hosting a link up so we can all share our summer survival tips with one another.  You can post your tip on your own blog (or in my comment box if you don't blog) and leave a comment on my post we know you're participating.  I'll also update my post to include a list of all participating blogs.

You have the weekend to brainstorm and write your post in anticipation.  I'm hoping a lot of you join in - I'm counting on your brilliance!

See you Monday!

Boston

My husband, who is kind, thoughtful, and sneaky, planned a little getaway for me to coincide with a physics teachers' conference.  Knowing that I've always wanted to go to Boston, he secretly sought out bargains, got himself a full paid scholarship to the conference, and arranged for the grandparents to take the kids for the weekend.  He then took me out East for a long weekend.  It was a blast.

Lunch at Jacob Wirth's 2nd oldest restaurant in city.

  

Pastrami sandwich with German potato salad.  Delish.

Steaming tea pot.

I was told there are over 250 Dunkin Donuts in Boston.  So that's where I had my breakfast.  It's like a "when in Rome" kinda thing.

My favorite part of the trip:  walking the Freedom Trail.

My guide on the Freedom Trail, "James Otis".  He was brilliant.  If you go to Boston, ask for him.

The American Mother Goose's grave.  (I guess there's a British one, too.)  She's near Paul Revere, Sam Adams, and John Hancock.

Site of the first public school in America.

Old State House.  They read the Declaration of Independence from that balcony on July 4, 1776 and they have continued to do so every year since.

The Boston Massacre happened here, too.

They spell it correctly in Boston.  ;)

Lunch in the North (Italian) part of the city.  So good.

Going to Boston?  Go to the Sam Adams Brewery and take the tour.  You make a $2 donation, 100% of which goes to charity, and you get three samples in a keepsake glass.  Plus the tour is fun and interesting.

Harvard.

President John Adams' library and garden.

Did you know that Paul Revere wasn't famous in his own day?  If it weren't for Longfellow's poem none of us would know who he was. 

Did you also know he fathered 16 children?

I know, "wowza!"

Speaking of Longfellow... "One if by land and two if by sea."

This restaurant is called Volle Nolle - Latin for "willy nilly."  It's also in the Italian district, right on the main street, Hanover.  I ordered a sandwich and cookie (pictured below - they were sooooo good!) and went to pay with credit.  The co-owner told me they only take cash and asked what my bank was.  When I explained I used a credit union in Illinois she asked how much cash I had ($3 less than what was owed) and told me that was enough. 

Holy Cross Cathedral in Boston.  We did not see the Archbishop.  Bummer.  And Mass was bumped to the basement chapel for a wedding(!).  Double bummer.

The most expensive food I've ever eaten.  And some of the best.  Happy "30th Birthday / Last Night of Vacation / Ultimate Date Night with a Fantastic Husband Who Loves Me and Treats Me Super Well" to me!

Everyone we met told us not to go to Mike's Pastry but to Modern.  We waited in line for about 35 minutes to get a real, honest to goodness cannoli.  We visited with some really fun Bostonians, got our box of goodies and saved them for the hotel. 

My first cannoli:  It. was. amazing.

The trip was great.  The history was great.  The town was great.  The way the vast majority of Boston men were blue shirts was great.  I walked all over that city and I figured out the public transportation.  I ate some delicious food (clearly).  And I had a great time with my best friend.

Boston was nice; Travis is wonderful.

for Pete's sake

In honor of my first child, Peter Mark, who we lost to miscarriage, I would love to pray for your intentions that are related to infertility or the loss of a child.

Please leave your prayer intention - for yourself or someone you know - in the comment box. Commenters may leave their name or be anonymous. You may share as little or as much as you like. With great respect, dignity, and affection I would like to pray for you, your pain, your grief, and your hope.

I, of course, invite all those who comment or read the comments to join me in praying for one another.

Thank you for this privilege.

"I think I'll go to Boston..."

I'll be gone for the weekend; enjoy a little Augustana and some really good reads while I'm gone.

First up, Leila at Little Catholic Bubble has a wonderful post by Steve Gershom, a Catholic man who is also gay.  A little teaser:  When I go to Confession, I sometimes mention the fact that I'm gay, to give the priest some context. ... I've always gotten one of two responses: either compassion, encouragement, and admiration, because the celibate life is difficult and profoundly counter-cultural; or nothing at all, not even a ripple, as if I had confessed eating too much on Thanksgiving.
I also encourage you to check out Steve's blog.  It's a really good read.

Also, a little victory dance is happening over here in the Diocese of Peoria.  A judge has ruled that DCFS was wrong to end its relationship with Catholic Charities for foster care.  You can read a nice little summary article about the good news here.
Looking for someone else to do the cooking?  Megan Brent is a personal chef and owner of in good taste in central IL and she's dang good at what she does.  A friend gave us a gift card for her business when James came home from the NICU and, while we have not yet used it - I just kept saving it for something special! - I have had the privilege of eating her fish tacos.  Megan is warm, smart, and talented.  Her website is here and you can find her on Facebook, too.

Lastly, here's a thoughtful post from CatholicMom about the book Premarital Sex in America by Jeremy Uecker.  A teaser from the post:  Yesterday’s premarital sex was generally “pre-marital”—sex before marriage between two people who did, in fact, get married to each other.  Today’s premarital sex is typically not pre-marital and may occur pre-relationship or with no-relationship. It almost certainly occurs with a succession of partners, well before marriage enters the picture.

A post with a related topic is Fr. Longenecker's "Comments on Cohabitation."  It's a list of things priests might like to say to cohabiting couples who come in for marriage prep.

a few little things I love about summer

I live in Central Illinois and we have four definite seasons.  Fall and spring and winter I love and summer, well, it has its perks. 

If we look past the heat and humidity and heat and sweat and humidity there are some redeeming qualities.

 Like summer vacation.  Travis is off work for two and a half months.

And watermelon.  Ripe and sweet and cold, man-o-man that stuff is so, so good. 

And grilling out.  Good food that I don't have to cook since Travis is the Grill Master at our house.  It's like going to a restaurant for dinner but cheaper and with a better looking cook. 

Another things:  summer wheat. I don't know where you live, and if you ever get to drive by wheat fields, but to me they are absolutely beautiful. Golden wheat blowing in the wind takes my breath away. I am drawn to them even after the grain has been harvested - the piles of stalks laying in rows waiting to be baled and then the giant round straw bales sitting in the field - I love it.

That's it, folks.  That's my list.  What about you?  What do you love about summer?  I will gladly consider other perks of June, July, and August.

quick updates

1 - We are back in the house.  It is 96% finished - just some trim and baseboards left.  It's marvelous.  But I still wish it was 100% done.

2 - Our schedule (meaning the kids') is really messed up.  They are tired and grumpy because of it, and so am I.  Lydia is probably the worst.  After me.  Pray for us.

3 - Early Thursday morning Travis is leaving for a conference.  I am also getting a little vacation.  I am excited and praying for safe travels.

4 - My friend, Lisa, had a baby boy 6 days ago.  I got a good look at Mr. Quentin yesterday and he is as cute as cute gets.  Congratulations, Lisa!!!!

my spiritual gift

I recently spent most of my kids' quiet time taking an online spiritual gifts test.  Of course the reason I did is only because I want to figure out how I can better serve the Lord and has nothing to do with any pity parties I've been to lately.  (You wouldn't know about the parties because I was the only one invited.)

I have a desire to do something important-y.  Now.  Like write a book (like her or her or her).  I have all kinds of great ideas for books to write.  But the book ideas that are really good might actually need to be written by other people.  So maybe I could launch a ministry for parents who carry the cross of infertility or the loss of a child.   But without money and free babysitting I'm pretty limited in what I can do.  So maybe I should go back to work and do awesome things like meet deadlines, give presentations, and impress my boss. 

Of course all this is just to chase away feelings of being lackluster.  Boring.  Mediocre. 

I keep feeling like my life is ridiculous - stressful despite the monotony - a dance of keeping kids hydrated, fed, clean, happy, and well rested by doing the same thing over and over again.  It is unglamorous, demanding, and leaves me with little time for myself. 

I also kept hearing a whisper of Truth in the waaaay back, behind all the noise of my inner temper tantrums, reminding me that I don't have to feel impressive to be doing something massively important and beautiful.  That voice is also reminding me that if I want peace I need to make sure I'm doing what God wants me to do. 

His will is our peace.

But, I still wondered, is this all that He wants me to do? 

It is legitiment to believe that my life is more than being able to keep up with the choreography of two toddlers and a baby.  Being a wife and mother are two very, very important parts of who I am.  But they are not all that I am, and for me it is incredibly important to not forget that. 

Yet, I believe in the "season of life" perspective - that in this season of my life most of my time and talent will be focused on my husband and children.  In this season there will be little time for writing blog posts - let alone books! - or reading books or long lunches with friends.  But this is just a season.  The next season, when my kids are in school, my days are a little more my own.  The other parts of me, I believe, will come out even more when my children need me less.  That might be in five years, it may be in twenty-five years.  The important thing for me to do along the way is just make sure I'm doing what He wants.

Still, as I sat down to take the spiritual gift test I wondered if there was some great undiscovered skill in myself that once found would allow me to really do  awesome things.  Jaw-droppinly awesome things right now, in the season of life of five poopy diapers in an hour, doctors appointments, baths, naps, schedules, and meltdowns.  What I found instead is that I am already utilizing the gifts He gave me - I just hadn't named them before or thought of them as gifts and so thought little of them.

My top three, in order, are Faith, Hospitality, and Exhortation.

Faith: This gift is what got me through the last year.  I believe in God and His promises and difficult circumstances do little to those beliefs.  Even without taking the test I could have told you I had this gift - I never strayed from my faith and it has always been easy for me to accept the teachings of the Church.  Thank God.

Hospitality:  This gift helps me to connect with people, making them feel welcome and valued.  It leads me to connect with people.  I never saw this as a gift from God and, quite frankly, I feel a bit of relief that my desire to have people over and feed them is rooted in something holy as sometimes I've wondered if I'm just desperate for friends. 

Exhortation: This gift allows me to go to people to "comfort, counsel, and encourage" and "bring out the best in people."  Rebuking is a part of it but is done in a gentle, positive way that builds up.  [source]  Reading this was eye opening for me and I finally understood why I have such a strong attraction to fraternal correction and the first three Spiritual Works of Mercy: admonish the sinner, instruct the ignorant, and counsel the doubtful.  I desire these things for myself (to have people fraternally correct me) and to see them more in our Catholic culture.

Faith, Hospitality, and Exhortation - they fit together well, I think.  Knowing these gifts does not mean that I shall now go off and do something amazing, but the information will facilitate a much better job at doing what I am doing.  I now have a proper lens with which to view my intentions, time spent, and aspirations.  I can rest in the knowledge that God gave me these gifts to do His will, and so when I am utilizing them in a Spirit-led way I can have peace that that it is His will I am doing.  Discernment doesn't go out the window now that I have these three labels but it does get a heck of a lot easier.

The really beautiful thing for me is that these gifts pair very well with being a wife and mother.  Right now I can be fully utilizing these gifts.  My husband and children can (and do!) benefit from them, as can my friends and family.  They will beautifully carry over to each next season of my life yet they fit so perfectly within this current season.  I don't have to feel that my life is a silly repetitive dance of diapers, food, sleep, and play.  I can know that in showing my children and husband hospitality, in counseling them to do the right thing, and in holding firmly to my faith in God I am blessing their lives, strengthening my own virtue, and bringing glory and honor to the Lord.

I don't think that sounds boring, mediocre or ridiculous.  I think that sounds like exactly what I want.  Right now.

Happy Birthday, USA

Let the Fourth of July always be a reminder that here in this land, for the first time, it was decided that man is born with certain God-given rights; that government is only a convenience created and managed by the people, with no powers of its own except those voluntarily granted to it by the people.

- Ronald Regan